Quick answer: If you think someone is monitoring your phone, do not rush to delete apps or confront them yet. First make a safety plan: use a safer device you control, document what is happening, and change passwords only from a device you trust. Removing stalkerware too early can alert an abuser and erase evidence. If you are in danger, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (text START to 88788) or dial 911. Advocates at NNEDV’s Safety Net project can help you build a plan for free.
Feeling watched through your own phone is a specific kind of stress. Maybe your partner always seems to know where you have been, brings up conversations you never shared with them, or your battery drains for no reason. This guide walks you through a technology safety plan the way a domestic-violence advocate would: carefully, in order, and with your physical safety first. Take what is useful and leave the rest.
Last Updated: August 2026 | Samuel Smith covers phone privacy and stalkerware, and built this plan around the guidance domestic-violence advocates and the National Network to End Domestic Violence give survivors.
Start with your safety, not your settings
The instinct when you suspect monitoring is to grab your phone and start deleting things. Pause. Many monitoring and stalkerware apps notify the person who installed them the moment they are removed, disabled, or even opened. If that person is someone who could hurt you, tipping them off can escalate the situation fast. Your first move is not technical — it is deciding how to stay safe while you figure out what is going on.
Ask yourself: is there someone I can tell, a place I can go, and a device the other person cannot reach? Keep this plan somewhere they will not see it, ideally not on the phone you suspect is compromised.
Use a device the other person does not control
If you need to research, message an advocate, or change passwords, do it from a “safer” device — a friend’s phone, a public library computer, or a work computer the other person has never touched. Assume the suspect phone may be logging what you type, the sites you visit, and your location. A safer device breaks that loop so your planning stays private.
When you use a public or borrowed computer, open a private/incognito window and sign out completely when you finish.
Document everything before you change anything
From experience: the first thing I tell someone is not to start changing passwords or poking around on that phone yet — if someone really is watching it, you can tip them off. Use a different phone or computer to sign into accounts like iCloud or Google, look for devices or logins you don’t recognize, and take pictures of anything strange before you delete or reset it.
Evidence matters, both for your own clarity and for any future police report or protective order. Keep a simple log. According to NNEDV, useful items to save include text messages, photos, videos, voicemails, screenshots of your phone and laptop, and printed emails with the full header shown.
Write down dates, times, and what happened — “he mentioned I was at the pharmacy at 3pm and I never told him.” Store this log on the safer device or in a notebook, not on the phone you suspect. If you think spyware is present, avoid deleting it until you have documented what you can and, ideally, spoken with an advocate. Removing it can erase evidence a law-enforcement investigation would need.
Check the obvious access points
A lot of “monitoring” needs no special spyware at all — just access to your accounts. From your safer device, think through what the other person might know or control:
- Shared logins. Do they know your Apple ID or Google password? Are you sharing an iCloud or Google account, a family plan, or a shared Amazon or streaming login that leaks your location or activity?
- Location sharing. Find My (iPhone), Google Location Sharing, Life360, and similar apps quietly share where you are. So can shared calendars.
- Trusted devices. An old iPad or laptop still signed into your account can read your messages and see your location.
Our guides on how to tell if your phone is being tracked and how to stop someone from tracking your phone walk through exactly where to look. Read them from your safer device first so you have a plan before you touch any settings.
Change passwords in the right order — from a safe device
When you are ready and it is safe to do so, change the passwords that matter most, and change them from a device the other person does not control. Start with your email, because whoever controls your email can reset almost everything else. Then move to your Apple ID or Google account, your bank, and your social media.
Create new passwords the other person could not guess, and turn on two-factor authentication using an authenticator app rather than text messages where you can. Remember: if you change a password from the compromised phone, spyware may capture the new one. That is why the safer device matters so much.
Decide about the spyware with help, not alone
Once you have documented what you can and secured your accounts, you can plan how to handle any monitoring software. This is where an advocate is invaluable, because the right move depends on your situation. In some cases a factory reset or professional help removes the software cleanly. In others, keeping the phone as-is — and using a separate, safe phone for private communication — is safer because it does not tip off the abuser.
When you are ready to clean a device, our step-by-step guide on how to find and remove spy apps covers the technical side. Just do not start there before you have thought through the safety and evidence steps above.
Build a longer-term safety net
A technology safety plan is not a one-time cleanup; it is a habit. Going forward, keep your accounts to yourself, review which apps can see your location every month, and keep your phone’s operating system updated so known spyware loopholes get patched. If you share children or a custody arrangement, be aware that tracking sometimes hides inside “co-parenting” or “family safety” apps.
Most importantly, you do not have to sort this out by yourself. Trained advocates understand exactly how this technology is misused and can help you make a plan tailored to your life.
Where to get free, confidential help
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: call 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org. Available 24/7.
- NNEDV Safety Net project: practical technology-safety resources for survivors at techsafety.org.
- Coalition Against Stalkerware: guidance on what to check and what not to do if you suspect monitoring software, at stopstalkerware.org.
- In immediate danger: call 911.
Frequently asked questions
Should I delete the spyware as soon as I find it?
Not necessarily, and not first. Many monitoring apps alert the person who installed them when they are removed, which can put you at risk, and deleting the app can erase evidence. Document what you can, secure your accounts from a safe device, and if there is any risk to your safety, talk to an advocate before removing anything.
Can someone track my phone without installing an app?
Yes. If they know your Apple ID or Google password, share an account or family plan with you, or have an old device still signed into your account, they can often see your location and messages with no spyware at all. Check shared logins and location-sharing settings first.
What should I keep in a documentation log?
Save texts, voicemails, photos, videos, screenshots of your phone and computer, and emails with the full header. Note the date, time, and what happened for each incident. Keep the log on a device the other person cannot access.
Is it safe to change my passwords on my own phone?
If you suspect the phone itself is compromised, no — spyware can capture the new password as you type it. Change important passwords from a device the other person does not control, starting with your email account.
Who can I call if I am not sure I am in danger yet?
You do not need to be in a crisis to reach out. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) and NNEDV’s Safety Net project help people who simply feel uneasy and want to think through their options confidentially and for free.
Will the police help with phone monitoring?
They can, especially if you have documentation. Stalking and unauthorized surveillance are crimes in many places. An advocate can help you understand your local laws and coordinate with law enforcement if and when you choose to.
This is a sensitive topic. If you are worried about your safety or someone else’s, please reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 — talking to a trained advocate is free, confidential, and available any time.